In an effort to deal with some of my anger issues at work (I run a coffee bar in a retail grocery store) and otherwise, I've decided to start this list. If you'd like to add entries, send me a note and I'll be happy for the contribution. This is a very unbias list; there will be some things on here that I do myself and it pisses me off. So here we go! I give to thee the first entry in Rev. Blank's List of Unacceptable Behavior:
1. Breast feeding while ordering or socializing in general: This is the thing that got me to start this list. A lady comes up with her parasite attached to the teat and proceeds to order coffee from me. She's not even trying to cover up; her sweat shirt is just yanked up. I just stared at her. Seriously, what the hell? At least go into the grocery store cafe with a blanket. That is NOT OK.
2. Bathing in Public restrooms (thanks for the entry, Beaver): Its surprising how often one walks in on this sort of thing.
3. People who don't 'believe' in recycling: Fuck you.
4. People who yak on their cell phones in public: Look around every once in a while, will ya?!
5. Wearing clothes that advertises shit that you not only are NOT getting paid for, but especially that you have PURCHASED: Seriously, is Nike or fucking Bebe paying you? That brings me to:
6. Getting offended when you're a woman with some fucking advertisement written across your ass and people are (surprise!) staring at your ass.
7. Tailgating: I'm that guy who WILL slam on my breaks.
8. Driving 5 mph under the speed limit: I WILL tailgate you (how's that for duality?)
9. Cyclist who don't obey traffic laws: Stay on the side of the road. Ride single file. One of these days I'm going to run one of you fuckers over. On purpose.
10. People who talk on their cell phones while driving: How many times have you or heard that someone got into a wreck because some douschbag was driving and texting/talking on their phones. Your inane conversation can wait. Pay attention to the road.
11. Bluetooth: Fuck you, you fucking cyborg.
12. People who don't share the sidewalk (thanks, Angela): I suck. I've been known to hog the sidewalk while walking my dogs. Sorry.
13. People who neglect and/or abuse their pets: I want to hurt you scumbags very very badly.
14. There IS such a thing as a stupid question (thanks, Deb): Enough said.
15. People who don't do their jobs and make you work harder (thanks, Joe): Again, enough said.
16. Mom's who let their horrible bastard children (gee, do you get the drift I don't like children?) eat out of the ice tables in grocery stores (thanks, Lili): You know, the ones filled with ice to keep the shrimp/produce/meat/whatever display cool. Ugh! Seriously? Do you have any idea how many people have had their disgusting hands in there? That brings me to:
17. People who use their before mentioned DISGUSTING GERM/BACTERIA INFESTED hands to pick up samples at the grocery store: The toothpicks and tongs and the like are there for a reason, motherfucker. Use them. I don't want your scabies (not that I would EVER eat a sample at a grocery store for this exact reason)
18. If you screw up and someone calls you out on it, don't get all pissed off at that person: Whatever stupid thing you did is your own damn fault. They just did you a favor.
19. Your horrible children.
20. Car shopping carts: Those giant carts to keep your little shits quiet while you shop, you know the ones. These are unacceptable on two points:
a. You obviously don't discipline your children
b. You shop like you drive: like shit. If I get run into one more time with one of those things I'm going to throw your kids into the freezer case.
21. Double dipping the samples at the grocery store: That's just fucking gross.
22. Republicans: You suck.
23. Democrats: You suck.
1. Breast feeding while ordering or socializing in general: This is the thing that got me to start this list. A lady comes up with her parasite attached to the teat and proceeds to order coffee from me. She's not even trying to cover up; her sweat shirt is just yanked up. I just stared at her. Seriously, what the hell? At least go into the grocery store cafe with a blanket. That is NOT OK.
2. Bathing in Public restrooms (thanks for the entry, Beaver): Its surprising how often one walks in on this sort of thing.
3. People who don't 'believe' in recycling: Fuck you.
4. People who yak on their cell phones in public: Look around every once in a while, will ya?!
5. Wearing clothes that advertises shit that you not only are NOT getting paid for, but especially that you have PURCHASED: Seriously, is Nike or fucking Bebe paying you? That brings me to:
6. Getting offended when you're a woman with some fucking advertisement written across your ass and people are (surprise!) staring at your ass.
7. Tailgating: I'm that guy who WILL slam on my breaks.
8. Driving 5 mph under the speed limit: I WILL tailgate you (how's that for duality?)
9. Cyclist who don't obey traffic laws: Stay on the side of the road. Ride single file. One of these days I'm going to run one of you fuckers over. On purpose.
10. People who talk on their cell phones while driving: How many times have you or heard that someone got into a wreck because some douschbag was driving and texting/talking on their phones. Your inane conversation can wait. Pay attention to the road.
11. Bluetooth: Fuck you, you fucking cyborg.
12. People who don't share the sidewalk (thanks, Angela): I suck. I've been known to hog the sidewalk while walking my dogs. Sorry.
13. People who neglect and/or abuse their pets: I want to hurt you scumbags very very badly.
14. There IS such a thing as a stupid question (thanks, Deb): Enough said.
15. People who don't do their jobs and make you work harder (thanks, Joe): Again, enough said.
16. Mom's who let their horrible bastard children (gee, do you get the drift I don't like children?) eat out of the ice tables in grocery stores (thanks, Lili): You know, the ones filled with ice to keep the shrimp/produce/meat/whatever display cool. Ugh! Seriously? Do you have any idea how many people have had their disgusting hands in there? That brings me to:
17. People who use their before mentioned DISGUSTING GERM/BACTERIA INFESTED hands to pick up samples at the grocery store: The toothpicks and tongs and the like are there for a reason, motherfucker. Use them. I don't want your scabies (not that I would EVER eat a sample at a grocery store for this exact reason)
18. If you screw up and someone calls you out on it, don't get all pissed off at that person: Whatever stupid thing you did is your own damn fault. They just did you a favor.
19. Your horrible children.
20. Car shopping carts: Those giant carts to keep your little shits quiet while you shop, you know the ones. These are unacceptable on two points:
a. You obviously don't discipline your children
b. You shop like you drive: like shit. If I get run into one more time with one of those things I'm going to throw your kids into the freezer case.
21. Double dipping the samples at the grocery store: That's just fucking gross.
22. Republicans: You suck.
23. Democrats: You suck.
5 comments:
As a cyclist, I'd like to slash the tires of people that tell me to get on the sidewalk. Riding on the sidewalk is illegal in most jurisdictions, not to mention unsafe. (Have you seen the sidewalks in Midtown?)
Actually the law allows us to take a lane.
I know you secretly think my kid isn't so bad. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone!
There are some serious anger issues. But that's just part of your charm. I'll se you soon.
I appreciate #18 the most, it universally captures everything in a very matter of fact way. And for those who arrogantly ignore this social rule: Suck it.
I'd also like to add that if you are in such a goddamn hurry to get somewhere in your auto...enough that you ride up on people driving at or above the speed limit and dart around them as if they are just obstacles to your own self centered poorly managed life then don't freak out and slam your brakes on when I give you the finger as you nearly clip my rear end. If you're in that much of an emergency don't make me an important figure for pointing out how dumb you are acting. I pity the fool no matter how stupid I am for reacting to it.
This is for jeff of the first post. As a person with a better command of the English lanuage, I feel compelled to help you (you moron). He said keep to the side of the road, not on the sidewalk. That and the single file command are the laws in the city Rev Blank and I live in. Read before responding, you reactionary twit.
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